I had a really difficult time deciding what to write tonight. However, I promised myself when I started writing these that I would be blatent and honest about my journey. So, here I stand.
I did 3 miles yesterday, but I did not attend bootcamp. We went early, because I was ridiculously tired and wanted to get to bed at a decent hour. The fact that I was so tired might have been my first tip-off that this wasn't going to be the best day.
I made it to the 1.8 mile mark at a decent (for me) clip, then had to stop. Like, actually stop. My calves were killing me. I didn't stop for long - it was probably only 5-10 seconds. But to me, this felt like a big hit. I stopped twice more, for a second or so each time, over the next .7 mile. Then when I hit about 2.5/2.6 miles, I was knocked on my ass - almost literally. My calves were just bothering me too badly. I chose a fast clip for walking, and walked the rest of it out.
When I went over to where my friends were to stretch out, I was mad. I was mad at my body for 'betraying' me (that's how it felt), and I was mad at myself for not just pushing through it.
That madness broke down into plain 'upsetness' quickly. I ended up breaking down right there in the main hall. I wasn't full on bawling, but trust me when I say that there were tears. There were a myriad of reasons why I was so upset, but looking back at last night, I think the main ones were that my calves were still giving me so much trouble, that I hadn't seen a loss on the scale for awhile (I thought that it had been two weeks, but looking back at my records it's only been one), and that I was so tired.
They offered me a few really good suggestions though, things that I don't know that I would have come up with on my own, so I'll share them with you.
- I am comparing myself too much to others. Instead of focusing on how far I've come so far, I'm focusing on what everyone else is doing, and discounting the value of what I have done.
- I'm likely not eating enough protein. This could be attributing to the sore calves.
- I just passed a huge goal marker, at 200lbs, and haven't set my next small goal yet. So by looking only at my large goals (135lbs and a 10K race), I am overwhelming myself.
So, here's the part that you want to see. I'll tell you what I'm doing about it.
- A co-worker suggested a couple of different tools to help my progress, including a foam roller to help work knots out of my calves. I will purchase one of these, in hopes that it will help.
- In the past, I have recommended to people that they put an 'I am beautiful' post-it on their mirror, to help raise their self-esteem. This is a method that I have used in the past that has worked. I will take a variation of this, putting two notes on my mirror, one that says "I'm doing awesome", and the other one saying "Let's kick some ass!"
- I will pay more attention to the amount of protein I am eating, especially after I am off my meal plan (Tuesday), and make sure that some of my supper after I work out always consists of protein.
- I have set new "small goals". Because I am hitting a plateau but still gaining muscle, (thus getting smaller), I have chosen one size and one weight related goal. The size related one is to lose a total of 2" off my hips. I think that this is a reasonable goal, that will be completed in a short amount of time. The weight related one is to get to 180 lbs. The reason I choose that weight is that it is where I landed when I lost 30lbs before. This time I need to lose a total of 40lbs to get there (I'm at -23lbs right now), but I think that that would be a great tipping point to get into the 'I have never lost weight to get to this weight' group. Of course, there will also be the workout goals of reaching the target distance every workout day, and obtaining the same time or better from the previous time running the same distance.
Another thing that my friends mentioned to me is that I set a lot of goals for myself - it's only natural that I'm going to hit some bumps along the way. I may be extrapolating from what they said at this point, or it may be exactly as it was said - to be honest, I can't remember. But what's sitting at me goes something like this: If there were no bumps in the road on the way to our goals, could we really say that they are challenging enough to call goals?